There is a new (well new for me) phenomena in Tel Aviv: Dogs wihout leashes. Never in my life have I seen anything like this. Israelis living in Tel Aviv love to have pets, dogs in particular (considering that every 5 ft you see a stray cat). What’s even more absurd is that they stroll around the city without leashes for their dogs. Now I realize how this must appear, dogs running-a-muck through out the entire city, getting into fights, jumping in front of traffic, biting people, etc. In reality, it is quite the opposite and I must say I am amazed.

Somehow Israelis have managed to train their dogs to be the most obedient creatures I have ever encountered, considering I, too, was a previous dog owner (RIP Mitzi). While I loved Mitzi with all my heart, you could not pay me to take her outside without a leash. In fact, one day I made the stupid mistake of taking a stroll with her in my neighborhood, sans leash, and she BOLTED at another dog (typical behavior).

Here, dogs obediently and patiently follow their owner: walk side-by-side (never ahead), respond when called to, wait patiently to cross the street (which is more than I can say for the PEOPLE here), run along side his owner’s bike, sit as his owner bargains with the local yogurt vendor, and almost NEVER bark (without good reason). If you are ever in Tel Aviv, I truly recommend grabbing a bag of popcorn and sitting on one of the benches on Rechov Benzion and just watching this scene unfold, you will never see anything like it.

Now if they could only manage to train their children to act in the same manner….

So I’m sure you have all figured out that if there is one thing I like to rant about.. it is the Israeli banking “system”. Having said that, I thought it appropriate to share my experience with the Call Center for my bank.

Once again, my father had transferred money into my bank account and I needed to change it from my dollar account to my shekel account. So I decided to try calling the Call Center as opposed to spending about 3 hours of my day physically at the bank (you know, travel time, wait time, etc). So one morning I pick up the phone and speak with a banker.

Me: “Hi I’d like to transfer my money to shekel”

Banker: “Ok, but first you need to change your password and then call back”.

Important note as with any security system for banking over the phone you must have a password. I was ok with that. HOWEVER, at this point I had changed my password about EIGHT times and the system was just picking on me. I decided this was the day, I would say NO, I will NOT change my password AGAIN!!

Me: “No, I am not changing it again, this will be the eighth time I have changed my password. It is not my fault that your system cannot record it. I want to speak to your manager!!”

Banker (who was more than happy to get rid of me): “Ok hold on”

I was then transferred to another banker, who was by no means a manager, he just spoke better English, informed me that I had to change my password. After about 5 minutes of arguing I got this response from him: “OK, I will give you a number to call where you don’t have to change your password, but call today!”

At this point I’m thinking, of course I will call today! I am trying to get this resolved, does he think I enjoy this?

So I call back, and request to speak to someone in English… guess who I get back to?! The very same banker who had just told me to call a different number because he could NOT help me.

At this point I struggle from exploding at this banker (until after he transfers my money of course). At which I point I say this: “Can you please explain to me why I had to call a different number only to get referred back to you?! Why could you not have helped me the FIRST time? Do you enjoy torturing ALL immigrants?!”

Banker: “Wellllll… emmmmmm ….. It’s a technical issue”

Me: ” Bullshit. I understand IT systems. You were just hoping I would get someone else. Have a nice day”

Just another lovely day in the crazy bureaucratic system that is Israel. As my friend would say, “Aliyah, you get used to it.”

Many people have asked me what it’s like to go to university in Israel. After about 3 months at school, I have come to the conclusion that Bar Ilan University is basically like Maryland…

Only there is:

barbed wire

security guards with guns

and the bathrooms are in the bomb shelter (just in case).

Oh and are exams are given on the ghetto paper circa 1990 that ends up looking more like a scroll than an exam.

But other than that… identical

So believe it or not, I have been trying all weekend to write this post, however… SHOCKER… my internet has been extremely slow EVEN THOUGH we upgraded to higher bandwidth (which is sufficient for a small business, army, school whatever). ANYWAY… I decided to post at work, seeing how this is much more important.

Ah, my printer. I ordered (with the help of an Israeli) this “great” laser printer online and had it delivered to my apartment. Simple enough. Unfortunately, when I opened said printer and tried to print from my computer, no go.

I decided to call Lexmark in the UNITED STATES to discuss my problem and see if they might be able to help me. I must say, after living in Israel, if someone just says “hello” to me without an attitude, I am speechless. Even a remark “Hello, how may I provide you with excellent service today” is just comforting to hear. After discussing my problem with Jon (yes, my tech’s name- from India- was Jon) he directly connected to my computer, also AMAZING, and tried to help me with the problem.

After about an hour, he established that there is a communication error with my printer and I need to have it exchanged by Lexmark there. I started to laugh, I KNEW how this was going to go down. Thanked him, and hung up.

Now came the difficult task, getting a new printer. First, I decided to try to exchange the printer from the original source of purchase. My conversation went like this:

Operator: “Yes this is Pandas.”

Me: “Hi, I bought a printer from you and after an hour with tech support from Lexmark they determined there is a communication error with the printer. Can I exchange the printer for a different model? It’s within 30 days”

Operator: “No, you opened the box”

Me: “Well of course I opened the box. How else am I supposed to know if it works??”

Operator: “I’m sorry. You must call Lexmark Israel and discuss it with them”

Me: “You know, this is ridiculuous. There is no reason why you can’t take back the printer. They do this all the time in the States.”

Operator: “Well this isn’t America.”

…. touche…. click.

Current state of affairs:

3 Calls into Lexmark Israel

1 Nonworking printer

1 extremely frustrated and annoyed Shira

For a country that prides itself on being so high-tech, their internet service is seriously lacking. I knew this coming here, having lived in Jerusalem when I was studying abroad, I was half expecting slow and flaky connections.

When I came to Tel Aviv, I expected a similar situation; I was pleasantly surprised to find that while the connection speed wasn’t as fast as in the US, at least I was connected 99% of the time…. until this past Thursday.

After countless hours of speaking with Bezek (Israel’s ‘internet’ provider) and trying to explain the problem-each time you open a web page you are initally told you cannot connect to the internet, basically we are having issues with the server- he informs us that we must speak to Zahav, another company who actualy provides us with internet.

Now at this point, I was just speechless and stunned. I did not understand. Each month we pay close $50 a month TO Bezek for internet. Who was this “other” company we were supposed to talk to?!

After careful research (aka calling my Israeli friends) I learned that Bezek provides you the router, while another company connects you to the internet…. God forbid ONE company does both! I mean that would be logical and efficient. And we all know Israel prides itself on being neither.

In the end, we still have no fixed our internet because, of course, after realizing how the “system” works, all the technicians were out to lunch, or on a cigarette break, or taking a nap… you get the idea.

While sitting on the bus on my way home from my final, I noticed two stereotypical Israeli characteristics that I felt the need to share.

1. If you ever find yourself on a bus in Israel, you will notice that anytime an elderly person, pregnant woman, or disabled person gets on a bus, at least 2 people will quickly jump up to offer his/her seat. The first time I saw a man give up his seat for an older woman, I was shocked. Of course it is the right thing to do, but more often times than not, you will find Israelis walking to their own rhythm, completely oblivious to their surrounding environment. There after I started to notice how this was not just a one time occurrence. People give up their seats without thinking twice. It really is a beautiful sight to see.

I’d say that among all the chaos and disorder that occurs here, I would have to say that this might be Israel’s redeeming quality.

2. Tonight, on my bus ride home, my cell phone rang (my obnoxious ringtone, of course) and I start having a conversation with my friend. Well apparently I was too loud and I started getting dirty looks from the people sitting around me. All I could think was “Are you seriously giving me dirty looks?! You are listening to music on your cell phone that is far more offensive and louder than my finance conversation.” Instead, I took the Israeli road. I just ignored them and even raised my voice, just a little to get my point across.

In the obnoxious noise on bus:

Shira = 1

Israel= 0

Some people have mentioned to me that from the tone of my blog, it would appear that I am not enjoying my time in Israel. I would just like to set the record straight.

I am enjoying my time abroad in Israel. The social scene is fantastic (as if anyone was really concerned about that). Changes are always difficult, especially when moving to a new country. That in mind, I felt that the need to share the ridiculousness that is Israeli life with my fellow friends and family in America.  Some of these stories are just too good to keep to myself. You have to have a sense of humor to live here, otherwise you will never survive.

With that said, I would just like to “discuss” a couple of issues:

1. Yesterday, during class, I need a sugar boost so I went to the vending machines put in 2 schnekels (a schnekel is a 2 cent coin, basically) and naturally, the machine did not work. No matter, I decided to get my TWO coins back. I pushed the return change button, and what do you know… 4 coins came out. To which I just started laughing. It seems as though even the vending machines here can take a simple task and complicate it even more.

2. Israelis and their cell phones. Yes, if you’ve ever been to Israeli that annoying and loud obnoxious “music” is generally someone’s cell phone ring. To be honest, it’s probably mine (if you happen to be with me). However, what really gets me are those Israelis (arsim to be specific — sorry there is no explanation of an arse, think ‘thug’) who use their cell phones as an instrument to play music. Kind of like an ipod. Only with an ipod, you need headphones to listen. With a cell phone, all you need is volume and an annoying, generally offensive song, with the attitude to match of course. It seems as though buying headphones is too complicated for some, so they would rather subject other passengers and passerbyers to their music.

I was on the train on my way home, and I had the “pleasure” of listening to 4 different songs, all different types of music, all within a 5 ft radius. Wasn’t I lucky? Oh, by the way, don’t be THAT person who tells them to turn off the music. It never ends well. You’ve got to pick and choose your battles here.

3. Direct Deposit. Why don’t Israelis have it? I got paid today (YAY!) only now I must head over to the bank (YAY!!) to deposit my check. When I asked my boss  (who happens to be French) why he couldn’t just use direct deposit, his reponse “This is Israel” (aka. TII — a common phrase). I’m just so looking forward to heading to the bank this weekend, ya’ll have no idea!!

Today I remembered why I avoid the grocery stores in Israel like the plague. It had been so long since I had last stepped into a grocery store (no, I am not starving myself I just choose to shop at the market instead) that I forgot what it is really like.

I didn’t have 5 NIS on me to “rent” a cart so I decided to carry my items instead, also proving to be rather difficult. But no matter, I had gathered my items and proceeded to the checkout lane. As I stood in line it all came back to me:

As I scanned the lines for the fastest checkout lane.. I had to look not for the lane with the most amount of people, but rather the one with the largest amounts of carts. Yes, it seems that immediately as soon as people enter the grocery store, they park their cart in the checkout lane, say “I am after you” and proceed with the rest of their shopping.

I decided the best course of action would be the “10 items of less” lane. This was more of a suggestion, as the little old lady in front of me placed her 30 items on the belt. The of course as she was about to check out, the cashier (like a good Israeli) starts to offer her all these deals, “do you want 4 muffins for 1 shekel? How about 3 bags of chips for 2 shekel? Maybe you want to take my teenager too… that’s free”.

Anyway, this whole process took about 5 minutes, of course I am next in-line (ever notice how it always happens when you are next in-line), until this lady made up her mind. Finally, I was able to pay and check out… as all my items were tossed  to the end and I then had to sift them out of the mix with the little old lady and bag them myself. Because let’s be honest, did you really think the cashier was going to bag my groceries?! If you did, you have learned nothing from my experience/blog.

If I haven’t said it enough, I’ll say it again… I really REALLY hate the banking ’system’ here.

Let me start from the beginning…

On Monday, my loving father decided to help me out and wire money to my Israeli bank account (so I could pay my tuition in Shekel at a locked in rate of 3.6, Bar Ilan didn’t seem to think that the exchange rate would go up to 3.9.. so I decided to save some money.) In any case… my money arrived this morning and I received a phone call from my favorite banker, unfortunately I was unable to answer my phone and there was no return number (a bit odd I thought).

So I decided to be proactive and call my bank myself. I looked up the information and called my branch. To my confusion, I was immediately routed to the main call center for Bank Leumi. Where I was informed that banks do not have local numbers, all calls are routed to the main call center. This makes absolutely no sense. Don’t forget your security PIN number because without it you throw the representatives off and you will then spend the next 5 minutes verifying your identity, while explaining that you do not need a new PIN, you just happened to have left yours safely on your desk at home (not that I would know any of this from experience….)

I then tried to explain my situation to the representative on the phone who brilliantly remarks: “Oh, I can’t see this wire transfer, it’s only at your local bank!”

Me: “Yes, I am aware. Can you please transfer me to Zvi in the Kikar Rabin branch? He is expecting my phone call.”

Representative: “No, I’m sorry. They don’t have a phone number and can’t be reached” (seriously, this actually happened”

Me: “Well what am I supposed to do?”

Representative: “You need to go to your branch and speak to him in person” (EVERYTHING is done like this. NOTHING can be done over the phone. Imagine how much more complicated your life would be if you had to change your address or simple information and each time you had to walk into your bank).

* At this point, I just lost it.*

Me: “You know, I have to tell you. This country has the DUMBEST banking system I have ever experienced. I work everyday and have class at night. I can’t go into my bank, let alone my BRANCH, at the drop of a hat. No other country works like this. Are you aware of this?!” (I did say this entire rant in Hebrew!!)

Representative: “Calm down…”

Me: “Don’t tell me to calm down! I just want to spend my money!! WHY must you make this situation more complicated than it needs to be?!”

Representative: “Ok, would you like me to put in a message for him to call you?!”

As I sat there in silence, shock, amazement, I could not understand why this woman had not initially offered me this option…. No matter, I gave her my details and hoped for the best.

Zvi did get my message and, god bless his soul, he called me and we sorted out my wire transfer.

While at work one day last week, and frequenting some of my favorite websites (Facebook, Gmail, Someecards, Economist- yea, for real, Haaretz, and Facebook-again) I came across an amazing deal on Daka90 to travel to Istanbul for a weekend.

Daka90 is probably one of my favorite websites here. Basically, it’s only for Israelis (or people living in Israel who speak Hebrew) and provides cheap deals on hotels within Israel and packages to countries in Europe. What makes this website so entertaining to me is that it’s classic Israeli: ‘We will offer amazing deals, but only for Israelis. Americans and Europeans, you all have to pay for overpriced hotels in Eilat because Shlomi is staying there for practically nothing.’ In anycase… I read Hebrew and apparently speak it, so this was not an issue, I found my awesome deal for a trip to Istanbul airfare+hotel for $300.

After gathering my 3 friends to accompany me on this venture; now came the challenge. If you book your flight online it is $20 cheaper than if you call, or go into the office. Well we were not aware of this at the time. So along we went filling in all our personal and credit card information until we click ENTER, only to find out, the reservation did not go through. As the sole Hebrew speaker, I was charged with the task of calling Daka90 to speak with an agent.

Initially, I asked to speak in English to an agent. I figured it would be easier to communicate, and plus, let’s be honest, I was lazy. The first person to answer said she would transfer me to someone who spoke English. Well, I was transferred… to an endlessly ringing phone. So I hung up and decided to try my luck again. The same exact scenario occurred. It was then that I began to notice the pattern. Anytime I called and spoke in English, I was transferred to the blackhole of endless ringing.

The third time I called, I had learned my lesson and started conversing in Hebrew. Only to find out that ONLY Israeli credit cards are allowed online. Apparently Daka90 had issues with ‘fraud’. So anyone with an international credit card (Europeans and Americans) must physically walk into the office and pay by credit card; $20 extra, of course. And we go back to my original point about the ‘beauty’ of this best website.

So all my friends had to physically walk into the travel agency and pay by credit card. Now while I do happen to have a credit card, if I wanted to be on the SAME reservation as my friends… guess what? I ALSO had to be charged the extra $20. Now yes, some of you are saying it’s only $20. But think about it, it’s the principal.

I would also like to note that after this reservation had been made, my friends and I had to make some changes due to unusally circumstances. I will make a long story short and just give you the moral of the story. If you ever need to CHANGE a reservation, I highly recommend Valium prior to your phone call, just some food for thought.

On the brightside.. everyone at Daka90 knows me though, apparently I am quite memorable! Off to Istanbul I go!!